


redo

by EverShadow



Category: Happiest Season (2020)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-26
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:55:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,470
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27721751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverShadow/pseuds/EverShadow
Summary: "You spent this entire week being dishonest with yourself, maybe, just this once, you tell the truth."A re-imagined ending and continuation of Happiest Season where Riley finds Abby at the gas station instead.
Relationships: Abby Holland/Riley Johnson
Comments: 132
Kudos: 983





	1. Chapter 1

The cold slapped Abby's tear-stained face the instant she opened the door, but she welcomed the sensation as a millisecond distraction from the searing pain gathering in her chest and radiating to her extremities. John held her shoulders the whole way to the car, and she kept it together until the door closed, and then it was a floodgate opening. She broke down, screaming and sobbing in John's car, slamming her fists against the dashboard.

"I'm sorry," she cried, her fists flattening against the cheap plastic.

"Oh no, be my guest, it's a rental, and I paid for the insurance," John replied, but the anger controlling her limbs turned inward. She folded her arms in and dug her nails hard into the coat, not quite breaking skin through the thick fabric, but enough that John reached over and grabbed her hands to pry them away.

"That's enough of that," he said. "I'm going to start driving. Do you think you can keep your hands away from yourself?" Abby nodded through her tears, and he fired the ignition. The sports car engine roar muffled her cries, and John uneasily peeled away from the giant, cookie-cutter Caldwell house.

John turned on the radio, throwing it in scan mode. After several minutes of passing by Christian radio, Christmas hits, and melancholy love songs, he opted for silence instead, punctuated by the muffled cries. Abby pulled her head into her coat as if it would be less intrusive that way. Every so often, John would reach over and stroke her back reassuringly. When her tears dried up and reduced to hyperventilation, he pulled into a gas station.

"I have to fill up. This thing eats gas like I eat calorie-free gummy bears, and I regret getting both every time. Do you want to come get some snacks?" Abby nodded her head numbly and stepped out of the car. Little flecks of snow-dusted her coat when she stood up, and she looked up at the sky.

_At least it's going to be a white Christmas_ , she thought bitterly. Fresh tears, seemingly pulled from nowhere, pricked her eyes. She wiped them away quickly, not wanting to make a scene at the local gas station. She'd had enough of drama for one night.

"Are you kidding me?" John yelled. Abby watched him bang on the glass door to the gas station. The lights were all on, but it didn't seem like anyone manned the register. When she stepped closer, she could just make out the small printed paper sign taped to the inside of the door. It read,

_Closed to spend time with the family. Merry Christmas! - The management._

Abby laughed bitterly. Of course. This town was like a death trap, a metaphorical pit of quicksand that wouldn't let her go home where she felt safe...

The thought hit hard and sudden and robbed her of her next breath. She didn't have a safe haven anymore. Her home was Harper's home. Everything they built together was in that house, every last piece of them as Abby-and-Harper. The memories they had in there, it took the fresh wound in her heart and ripped it a few inches wider.

"Are you fucking kidding me," John said, now yelling at his phone. "There are ten gas stations in this town and all of them are closed. The next open gas station is fifty miles away. FIFTY MILES. My car can't make it! UGH I thought Christmas miracles were supposed to be a thing!" Abby closed her eyes as snowflakes touched and melted on her face. Things couldn't get worse.

"Maybe there's a hotel nearby or something," Abby offered. She felt exhausted from the day and from crying. She pulled out her phone, which lit up at her dimly and unhappily with a "no battery" icon. John tapped on his screen quickly muttering,

"Let me see." Abby occupied herself with the snow accumulated on the ground. She drew haphazard shapes with her toe, thinking over and over again. What if she had made a mistake? What if she should go back. She looked up at John, still furiously searching, and opened her mouth.

"Hey!" A voice stopped her mid-word, and the two of them looked up to see a black Toyota sedan pull into the empty gas station. Only Abby recognized the woman who stepped out.

"Riley?" She whispered in disbelief.

"Hey! What are you doing? Everything's closed."

"Yeah, we kind of got that," John retorted.

"Riley, charmed," Riley responded with an exaggerated curtsey. She approached Abby and placed her hand on her arm. Her voice dropped as she studied Abby's face. "You ok?"

"Yeah, yeah, just fine," Abby mumbled. "What are you even doing out here?"

"Well, everything's closed except liquor stores, and after what just happened I needed more booze in the house, so I was just on my way back from grabbing a case of wine. What are you doing?

"I was just, we were just heading back home, and we stopped for gas, but there is no gas..." She stopped rambling when she met Riley's pitying gaze.

"Well, good luck with that,"

"Ok, you're a local, can you please point us to the nearest open gas station?" John asked.

"You're kind of fucked there," Riley replied, confirming their worst suspicions that they weren't leaving any time soon.

"What about a hotel?" Abby asked.

"Why don't you stay at my parents' tonight?" John looked at the two of them curiously with an expression that read, you're going to have to fill me in later.

"No, we're fine just finding a hotel or something..." Abby started.

"It's fine, seriously, it's fine," Riley insisted. "My parents have two empty guest bedrooms, you wouldn't be imposing at all. You'd probably have better luck tomorrow anyhow, there's a Sheetz just on the outskirts." Abby looked back at John who nodded furiously at her in an attempt to sway her vote. She sighed. All she wanted was a place to put her head and drift into unconsciousness.

"Yeah, thank you, that would be great."

* * *

Riley's house was much smaller than the Caldwells', but it felt homier, less manufactured. Blurry polaroids decorated the main hallway, their frames slightly askew with age. Warm, dark wood accents, fake candles, and lower ceilings wrapped Abby in comfort far removed from the sterilized environment she occupied for the last four days. They entered quietly, noticing the dim exterior that signaled that they were the only ones awake in the household.

"You can take the room to the right," Abby whispered to John as they made their way down the hall.

"Thank you for saving us," John replied. He wrapped Abby in a tight hug. "You going to be ok?" Abby nodded but he studied her expression for a few seconds.

"Ok, well, this is my room for the night, so don't be afraid to knock if you need anything." He turned to Riley. "I'm sorry for being sharp with you when we met. This is more than generous. I'm John, the best friend."

"Nice to meet you John. And don't worry," Riley replied with a wry smile. "I'm harvesting your organs in the night to make it worth my while." John let out a forced laugh through gritted teeth. His eyes flicked over the door, slightly relaxing when he saw a lock.

"'Night," Abby mumbled as he walked backwards into his room. Riley led Abby a few more feet to another door, decorated with the letter "D" with all sorts of sports memorabilia taped, glued, and nailed around it.

"It's my little brother's room," she explained. "He couldn't make it home for Christmas, so it's all yours for tonight."

"Thanks, Riley, I really appreciate it," Abby said in earnest. Riley squeezed her shoulder and leaned forward to meet Abby's downcast gaze.

"Look, Christmas is a crazy time for everyone, ok? Whatever happens, just know you have support." She nodded to the door behind her, where both of them could hear the bed creaking as John settled in. "From what little I've seen, you're a great person. A friend wouldn't drive all the way from Pittsburgh to save you if you weren't."

"Thanks," she said again, trying her best to keep it together.

"Sleep well, let me know if you need anything. My room is just on the other side of the kitchen."

"The one with all the bones, right?" Abby joked, earning a warm smile.

"That's the one."

* * *

Try as she would, Abby couldn't sleep. Her heart ached, and she switched between leaving damp imprints in her pillow where she buried her face and staring catatonically at the popcorn ceiling. She lay in bed, unable to drift off until the clock ticked two in the morning. Somewhere outside, a grandfather clock chimed. She stood up and gently opened the door. Maybe a glass of water would help.

As she quietly made her way to the kitchen, she noticed a figure sitting in the fake candlelight, her face illuminated by her phone. Riley looked up from her position at the dining table, other hand wrapped around the stem of a wine glass. A half-filled bottle of syrah sat next to her. She turned up when she heard a creak in the floorboards, signaling Abby's approach.

"Oh!" she exclaimed, "I thought you'd gone to bed."

"Couldn't sleep," Abby admitted. "Thought I could get water or something?"

"You want something stronger?" Riley asked, tipping her drink at her. Abby nodded, and Riley stood up to grab another glass. She poured to the brim and handed it over to her grateful guest.

"What are you doing up?" Abby asked.

"Residency has me working the night shift, so I'm used to these hours," Riley explained. "How you holding up? I mean, I know it just happened but..." She glanced around Abby's hand, "did she text you or anything?"

"No, but my phone's dead, so even if she did..." Abby trailed off. Riley set her phone aside - the article's headline on her phone read "5 Worst Christmas Parties Ever" - and swirled her glass.

"Are you ok?" Abby barked a laugh at that question, tilting her head back to prevent from crying again.

"I was going to ask her to marry me." Her voice carried a haunted, faraway tone as if it had all happened years ago as opposed to hours.

"Yeah," Riley affirmed.

"I loved her for so long, and I loved her so much, and I couldn't love her at all these past few days." Despite her best efforts, fresh tears streamed down her face. Riley stood up from her spot across the table and sat down next to her. Riley's arms encircled her shoulders, and Abby let herself sink into the warmth of her grip.

"It's ok, it'll be ok," Riley whispered.

"She was my person, you know?"

"Oh, all too well," The doctor joked. Abby couldn't help but laugh a little, and Riley watched her affectionately. "There we go." Abby closed her eyes. She could smell the lingering scent of cookies on Riley's hair. It had felt like forever since Harper held her like this, and she was acutely aware of the other woman's cheek resting against her head.

"You make me feel better." The words tumbled from her mouth before she had a chance to control them.

"I'm a doctor, I'm supposed to make people feel better," Riley retorted. She held on tighter, and pressed a chaste kiss to her temple. It was meant platonically, but something about it created an unfillable, novel yearning in Abby's chest. Silence seeped into the space between them, but it was neither awkward nor forced. Abby turned her head to meet Riley's steady gaze, prompting the latter to speak again. "Seriously, you're going to be ok. Someone like you is going to make it through whatever life throws at her. Whether you and Harper make up, or-"

Abby leaned forward and kissed Riley. She missed a little, bumping her teeth against the other's lips, before adjusting. A second, a minute, an eon passed until Riley pulled away, but her arms never left Abby's shoulders. A few inches separated their mouths, and Riley's eyes darted between eyes and lips with equal timing.

"What are you doing?" She asked. Abby leaned in again, and this time Riley met her halfway.


	2. Chapter 2

A bloodcurdling scream rattled through the bones of the house, jolting Riley and Abby upright. Riley moved with practiced speed and urgency, a trait picked up from many nights in the ER during her rotations. She grabbed a purple bathrobe hanging on an old, 80's style desk chair and threw it on, flinging the door open before she even had it tied. Abby threw on her jeans - no time to find where her undergarments had flown - and shirt, only managing a couple of buttons before she followed her out into the hall, half expecting a massacre.

Instead, the two found both Mrs. Bennett and John in the kitchen, separated by a table, screaming at each other at the top of their lungs. Mrs. Bennett held a wooden spatula raised over her head in both hands, prepared to strike if John came within distance.

"A BURGLAR! TOM, HELP!" She shrieked.

"OH MY GOD, MAKE IT STOP!" John shouted in an equal tone.

"Everyone just CALM DOWN!" Riley yelled as her father barreled into the room with a baseball bat in hand. "Dad! Mom! Just stop! It's ok, they're friends!" The three aggressors in the room froze in place, and their heads mechanically turned to look at Riley, hands clutching the seams of her bathrobe shut, and Abby, looking disheveled.

"Your..." John traced circled in the air with his finger, a gesture meaning to draw attention to Abby's entire appearance. "Your buttons are done up wrong." She looked down and realized in her panic, she'd buttoned haphazardly, skipping places that shouldn't have been missed. She turned her back to the kitchen and fixed it.

"Honey, you didn't tell me you were having guests over!" Her mother said, still unable to bring the spatula down.

"Sorry, it was late, and you guys were asleep," Riley sighed, feeling an impending headache flirting with the front of her brain. "I thought I'd catch you before anyone else woke up." Meanwhile, John tucked his lips between his front teeth in a failed effort to stop a shit-eating grin from spreading across his visage.

"Abby, isn't your room on the opposite side of the hall?" He managed to eke out.

"Is it?" Abby asked, doing the worst job at feigning ignorance. "I, was, uh, I," John punctuated her stammering with an "mmhmm" every time she tried to come up with an explanation.

"I'm going to get dressed, try not to kill anyone before I'm back, ok? Mom? Dad?" The two of them eyed John warily, who turned back with a look of fear.

"We won't," her parents promised. Riley turned around and grabbed Abby by the arm, wresting her away back to her room. When she shut the door, the two of them stood in stunned silence for a second before bursting out into laughter.

"Oh. My. God," Riley groaned between fits of giggles. "John was about to die!"

"How? Was your mom going to beat him to death with a spatula?" Abby replied, sitting down on the bed. When the laughter subsided, the realization settled in of what had occurred between them last night. An awkward silence permeated Riley's childhood bedroom, and she coughed a little.

"So...last night..."

"Was a total mistake. I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to pressure you into anything..." Abby interrupted.

"Well, I was going to say that last night was fun, but if you think it was a mistake, I guess that's what it was. And for the record, no one pressures me into doing anything." Abby looked up into Riley's face. The doctor didn't look hurt, a little bemused, perhaps, but she watched her process with patience.

"I'm sorry," was all Abby could manage.

"Look, I get it," Riley squatted in front of her and touched her knee gently. "You already slept with half the lesbians in this town. Why not sleep with the other half?" The two of them dissolved into quiet laughter, and Abby was so, so thankful that Riley found them last night. When they quieted down, Riley dropped her voice to a more serious tone. "We don't have to talk about it. You were hurt, and you were looking for comfort, and I happened to be a willing participant."

"What do I tell Harper?" At the mention of their shared love interest's name, Riley stood up. She sighed as if just remembering the reason behind Abby's pain.

"Yeah, that's...messy." She folded her hands across her chest. "Look, if you want to, we can completely forget what happened last night. I won't tell anyone, and my parents sure aren't going to tell anyone, and John doesn't seem like the type to pry," That last bit she punctuated with a fake flourish. Abby smiled weakly.

"Yeah, definitely not nosy. I'm not going to be grilled on this at all." She flopped backwards onto the twin bed, covering her face with her hands and groaning. Riley sat down next to her and rested her hand on her thigh. Abby peeked through her fingers, meeting the other's gaze. She removed her hands and set them down on her collarbone. For a second, Abby wanted to lean up and kiss her and set it all in motion again. The way Riley watched her with calm assuredness, tinged with an unvoiced question, suggested she wouldn't say "no" if she did. Abby dropped a hand to cover Riley's, and propped herself up on one elbow. Her thumb stroked over Riley's skin, and she brought her head closer.

"What are you doing?" Riley whispered, but she didn't pull away.

"Girls?!" Mrs. Bennett's voice echoed through the door, and the two jolted away quickly.

"Just a second, mom!" Riley shouted back. She stood up and gathered various garments from a messy suitcase in the corner. "Um, I need to get dressed. I'll meet you out there?"

"Yeah, yeah, that sounds good," Abby replied, turning away shyly when the doctor unceremoniously shed her bathrobe as if she hadn't seen her completely naked the night before. She hurried out of the room, face bright red and burning, her heart threatening to beat itself out of her chest. She returned to a much calmer scene in the kitchen. John, still standing as far away as he could manage from the Bennetts, sipped on a Christmas mug of what looked to be coffee, judging by the freshly brewed pot steaming on the counter. The Bennetts, alternating sitting and standing at the table, watched her walk back in, her hair and clothes still a mess, but at least more composed.

"I'm sorry about earlier," Mrs. Bennett said. "Riley used to do this all the time, bring home unannounced guests. I don't know why we were surprised."

"Never a man though,  _ that _ was a surprise," Mr. Bennett chuckled. His wife elbowed him in the stomach, and Abby turned a darker shade of red. John let out a forced laugh and turned his attention back to her with a piercing look.

"I'm Abby," Abby stuck her hand out and shook with both of them.

"It's very nice to meet you, Abby. We saw you at the party, right? You were with Harper." The last sentence stung, and it must have shown on her face because Mrs. Bennett shushed him quickly.

"Would you like some coffee, dear?" Mrs. Bennett asked.

"Yes, please." As she sipped the warm, bitter liquid, Riley walked in, significantly more put together than the four of the others combined. She wore a cozy, dark green turtleneck sweater and pair of dark grey slacks. Abby did a spit-take when she remembered just why Riley chose a turtleneck, and it had everything to do with last night.

"So, uh, when do you want to get out of here?" John asked quietly, but Mrs. Bennett heard anyway.

"Of course, you must be eager to see your family for Christmas," Mrs. Bennett said warmly.

"Actually, it's probably just going to be me and John," Abby admitted. John shot her a sharp look, and the Bennetts' turned to one of horror.

"On Christmas?" The matriarch demanded.

"It's how I've always spent Christmas, you know, order some Chinese take out, throw on some bad movies," Abby said, trying to play it off, but it only served to stoke the fire growing in Mrs. Bennett's eyes.

"You're welcome to celebrate Christmas with us," she said with more finality than that of a suggestion. Abby balked and looked over at her best friend, who rolled his eyes in an "I can't believe you" sort of manner. She finally cast a glance at Riley, who had finished off the pot of coffee and stared at her with an unreadable expression.

"I, uh," she stammered.

"You should," Riley said between sips. It didn't escape Abby's notice when John looked very pointedly from one to the other, one hand tucked in the crook of his other arm.

"It's nothing like the Caldwells'," Mr. Bennett reassured. "Going to make some turkey, a few side dishes, we have a very simple Christmas in this household."

"No drama," Riley said. In response, John spat his coffee all over the kitchen floor.

* * *

It took precisely two milliseconds of her closing the Mustang door that John started in on her.

"If I recall correctly, your room was right next to mine, but, and again please enlighten me if I'm mistaken, you showed up, half-naked, from Riley's room." Abby groaned and ran the palm of her hand across her face. "Oh my god, did you sleep with her?!"

"Look, it was late, we were both kind of drunk,"

"That's not a 'no'. In fact, that sounds more like the preface to a 'yes,'" John prodded.

"I don't want to talk about it, can I just plug my phone in?" She asked, reaching for the cord. He snatched it out of her grasp with a mischievous grin.

"You can charge your phone when you answer my question." Abby sighed and dejectedly held out her hand.

"Fine, yes, fine, we slept together, ok? You happy?"

"No, because that's a clusterfuck of a situation you're in now. But I will concede that she is very attractive." John placed the phone cord in her grasp, and she plugged in her now very dead cell. "So, what are you going to do about that?"

"About what?" She asked ignorantly. He rolled his eyes and then gestured at her entirety with one hand.

"This," he replied. "Harper, you sleeping with Harper's ex, Harper."

"I don't know, ok? I don't-" Her phone turned on with a chime, followed by several more until it sounded like a handbell choir if the choir had only one handbell. "Fuck."

"Harper?"

"Yeah." She scrolled through the dozens of messages, most of them beginning or ending with an apology.

_ Abby, please, please answer me so I know you're ok at least? _

_ I love you so much, I'm so sorry, please call me _

_ I don't want to lose you, I fucked up, I really fucked up, I was so scared of losing my parents that I didn't realize losing you would be worse _

_ Abby, where are you? I tried calling John but he didn't pick up _

_ I love you _

The timestamps on the messages went on in that vein until about three-thirty in the morning. Abby remembered with a flush what she was doing, or rather who she was doing at that time, and a pang of guilt swept through her.

"Are you going to reply?" He asked. She set her phone down and rested her head against the back of her seat.

"No, not right now, I need time to think."

"Are you going to tell her about Riley?"

"I don't know," she responded with a sigh. John nodded understandingly and started the car.

"Well, you'll have all dinner to think about what you're going to say, since you so kindly decided we're going to stay for another day."

"I'm sorry, you don't have to stay, you can go home, I'll figure something out." John looked at her with absurdity.

"Are you kidding? And miss out on delicious turkey and sexual tension? I will happily pay the late return fee on this rental for that."

* * *

Riley was rolling little balls of dough in the kitchen when they returned with a gassed up car. She wore a weathered, off-white apron, and smatterings of flour covered her hands and arms.

"Welcome back," she said without looking up.

"Where are your parents?"

"Out back smoking the turkey," Riley replied. She wiped her sweaty forehead on her sleeve.

"Isn't it cold?" Abby asked.

"They've got a few drinks in them already, and the smoker is pretty warm, they'll be fine." John watched the two of them with mild glee and interest. 

"Can I help?" Abby pointed to the mound of dough still untouched. Riley gestured with her head at an apron hanging from the fridge.

"Sure, grab one, wash your hands, and get ready to knead." Momentarily Abby's brain went blank, remembering the word "need" in a very different context last night - namely Riley telling her exactly what she needed and where. Her face turned bright red, uncannily resembling the lit up nose on the reindeer out in the front yard.

"Um, sorry, um, what do you need?" She bumbled.

"And that's my cue, I'll see if your parents need any help, byeee," John said, hastily trouncing through the house into the backyard. Riley snorted, turning away with a slightly embarrassed look on her face.

"Knead, like dough, dummy."

"Oh. Oh!" Abby shook her head and mentally berated herself. "Of course, duh." She grabbed the apron with shaking hands and took up a spot next to Riley. She watched the doctor make small spheres, buttering the top of them and setting them neatly in a row. She mimicked her actions perfectly, but somehow her bun turned out lumpy next to all of Riley's perfect ones. She watched again intently and found herself staring at the doctor's delicate hands. She was entranced by the way her fingers danced along the dough, the little muscles in her wrists guiding and forming the perfect shape, the curve of her palm as she set it down. She watched for so long that when she looked up, she found Riley staring at her with an expression of amusement.

"Oh, sorry I..."

"You're so gay," Riley teased.

"You have nice hands!" Abby blurted, realizing a moment too late that maybe that was the worst possible thing to say if she didn't want her companion to break down in a fit of giggles.

"You're cute, you know that?" Her dark eyes settled on Abby's, and that familiar heat and longing returned with ferocity. This time, Abby couldn't blame it on the alcohol. "Did you talk with Harper yet?" At the mention of her girlfriend (ex?), her desire vanished and for lack of a better thing to do, started ripping off chunks of dough again.

"She texted, but we haven't talked," Abby replied.

"How you holding up today?" Riley asked.

"Terrible. I had dreams about Harper all night - sorry if I talked in my sleep. It just, it doesn't feel real. I still can't believe she said all those things, and I don't know if I can accept her apology."

"Well, for what it's worth, it's her loss." Their hands grazed together as they both reached for another glob of dough, with Riley's fingertips grazing the back of Abby's knuckles. Both of them froze in place. Abby felt her breathing shorten, and she flipped her hand around to hold Riley's.

"Abby," Riley's low voice cautioned as the other woman pulled her hand closer. "Abby, we-"

"ABBY?" Harper's voice shattered through the moment. Riley felt all the blood drain from her face as they scrambled away from each other, even though the voice had come from outside.

"What the hell?" Abby whispered as Harper continued to yell her name out front. She took off the apron and stormed out the door. Harper stood at the bottom of the front steps, her face red and puffy from crying, still in her clothes from the day before.

"Abby!" She exclaimed with relief when she saw her.

"Harper, what the hell? How did you find me?" She cast a glance back at Riley, who had just joined her on the porch.

"I tracked you. John taught me how," her smile turned down when she saw her ex-girlfriend, and she studied their interactions with suspicion. But suspicion gave way once more to her singular focus on Abby.

"Harper, go home," Abby ordered.

"No, Abby, please just hear me out," Harper pleaded.

"I don't want to talk to you!"

"Abby, babe, please. Please give me another chance, I know I fucked up so badly, and I want to spend the rest of my life making it up to you, please." Abby's heart stung when she heard those words. She thought to the ring in her jacket pocket, thought about her grand plan to ask Harper's father for permission, and then his disgusted face when Sloane had outed Harper surfaced in her mind. That coldness, that judgement, and Harper's alarmed, cruel reaction wounded her all over again.

"Harper, I need some space," Abby said with a heavy sigh. Harper looked as though Abby had shot her. Her lower lip trembled before her expression hardened.

"Are you doing this?" It took a second for Abby to realize Harper had turned her wrath on Riley. She whirled around to see Riley's bewildered reaction.

"Me? What? Why?"

"Are you doing this to get back at me for what I did to you in high school?" Harper demanded.

"What? Harper, no, this has nothing to do with her!" Abby shouted. She put her hand up as Harper advanced. "Harper, stop! This is about you and me!"

"Is it?" Harper hissed as she got close. Abby placed herself between the two of them as if Harper couldn't just reach over her if she wanted to. "Did something happen between you two? Is this why you've been acting so strange?"

"Me?! Me, acting strange?!" Abby could have laughed at the absurdity. "Harper, you've become someone I don't even know."

"Did you sleep with her?!" Harper shouted over Abby's head. Riley didn't flinch, her poker face intact when she responded,

"No, nothing happened between us."

"Yes," Abby interrupted quietly, but it was enough to deafen them all. "We slept together, ok?" She dropped her eyes to the ground and closed them tightly. Behind her, she could feel Riley tensing.

"Wh-what? When? When you were staying at my parents' house?!" Harper shouted hysterically.

"No! Last night, after I left. Riley found me, and-"

"And what, saw her opportunity?" Harper spat as tears rolled down her cheek.

"No! I started it. She was just trying to be a good friend, and I..." Abby trailed off. Harper wore hurt all over her body. Her frame shook as she struggled not to break down in front of the Bennetts' house. A moment passed, and then another, and then Harper raised her hand and slapped Riley across the face before turning on her heel. She wordlessly got into her car and peeled out of the driveway. Abby wiped her eyes and turned around. Riley rubbed her cheek, a red handprint forming where she'd been hit.

"I'm so sorry," Abby whispered, feeling like she'd apologized more in this week than she had her entire life. Riley, to her credit, shrugged it off.

"I've been hit worse for less, patients, ex-girlfriends, etc." She offered a comforting smile, but Abby dissolved into tears, crumbling on the steps from the stress of it all. Riley leaned down and embraced her, soothing her as she rubbed her arms.

"Hey, it's ok, it'll be ok," she reassured, but Abby felt as though it might never be. When the initial episode subsided, and she wiped her tears away, Riley helped her to her feet.

"I don't know what to do," she said in a voice almost too light to hear.

"Well, I have two bottles of wine with your name on it. Maybe we can start there." Riley took her hand and gave it a squeeze. Even through the pain, even though every part of her ached to chase after Harper, a small twinge of yearning coursed through her. She gripped tightly onto the hand leading her back into the house. No matter what happened, she thought to herself, whether with Harper or (and she barely allowed herself to feel this hope) with Riley, it seemed like it would all come crashing down around her. But this instant, when Riley's hand enveloped hers with strength, confidence, and affection, it was the first time she'd felt right all week.


	3. Chapter 3

"What happened?!" Mrs. Bennett shouted as she, Mr. Bennett, and John met them in the hallway, drawn in by the yelling out front. Riley made eye contact with her parents and shook her head to indicate that they should drop the topic. John was not so deterred, but he turned and ushered the concerned parents back into the kitchen, saying,

"Let's give them a second, mmk?" They allowed John to herd them away, despite the lingering questions on the forefront of their tongues. Riley tucked Abby into her arms and guided her into the bathroom. All of her emotions hit her at once, a dizzying cocktail of despair, rage, confusion, and a dozen other feelings she wanted to purge. She gripped the sink, feeling like she'd be sick in a moment, only managing to hack dryly while Riley rubbed her back. Somewhere between a choked sob and hiccups, Abby managed another weak apology.

"Hey, shh, hey, it's ok," Riley murmured, running her hand from one shoulder blade to the other. "It's ok, let it out. This is a judgment-free zone."

"I'm sorry," Abby repeated. She caught a glimpse of herself in the reflection. She looked a terrible state with her eyes bloodshot and puffy, her makeup atrociously runny, and sadness painted all over her face. "I look like a mess."

"Well, you won't be winning any beauty contests any time soon," Riley joked. Abby laughed sadly and turned to regard her.

"I fucked up real bad," she whispered. Riley offered a soft smile in response, unsure what to say. They both knew the truth, even beyond Harper finding out about their one night stand, things were in a dismal state. "I don't think I can fix it."

"Do you want to?" Riley asked with a searching look. Abby grasped the side of the sink so hard she feared she might break it. She thought about the life that she and Harper had, how it seemed like Harper was genuinely ready to commit to her before she went and opened her mouth.

"I love her," Abby said.

"Is that enough? Because if it is, then I'll drive you over there myself." Riley sat down on the tub, and Abby watched her expression contort as if she was wrestling with something herself. "Just...nevermind." She bit her lip and found something on the ground to stare at.

"What? You can say it."

"It's not my place to tell you what to do about Harper," Riley sighed. "But from my experience, sometimes love isn't everything that makes a relationship good. It takes honesty, communication, respect."

"So you're saying Harper doesn't have those?" Abby asked.

"No!" Riley backtracked. "All I'm saying is that just because you love someone, doesn't mean you stop loving yourself."

Those words sat with Abby all through the tense dinner. The Bennetts smoked a mean turkey, but it all tasted the same on Abby's palate. They made small talk, asking Abby what she did, repeating the question to a much more amicable John. She was grateful for her best friend taking up most of the conversation. She didn't think that she could handle talking while her mind ran circles around Harper. But she politely ate whatever they put in front of her and managed single syllable answers when she could. Riley watched her with careful eyes, making sure to redirect any conversation away from Harper or the Caldwells - not that her parents often brought it up. She and John shared a silent understanding to protect Abby, and the forced laughter they managed stemmed the tide a little.

Abby skipped dessert. She had no appetite for food and crying had exhausted her. Even though it was only six, and light still peeked out over the horizon, she mentioned quietly to Riley that she was going to turn in for the night.

"Ok," Riley responded. "We'll be up, and I'll be up all night, so let me know if you need anything."

"Thanks, we'll probably leave first thing tomorrow," Abby replied, and then with a wry smile, "do you sleep at all?" Riley laughed and gave her a half-lidded, pseudo-seductive look.

"Vampires don't sleep," she replied. Abby couldn't help but laugh, and Riley's shoulders relaxed hearing it. Then, in a more concerned tone, "Seriously, whatever happens, you'll be fine."

"I hope so," she responded, and then with a shout over her shoulder, "I'll see you in the morning, John!" He waved at her, and she walked into her bedroom.

She managed about two hours of sleep before she awoke, Harper's name still on her tongue, and the dream still fresh on her mind. She'd had a nightmare about Harper, about Harper leaving her for Connor. She sat up with fresh tears on her cheek and bile on her tongue. It seemed too real, and she felt sick just thinking about it.

"I had to ask," Mrs. Bennett's hushed voice drifted through her doorway along with the sound of running water and clinking dishes.

"I know, Mom," Abby heard Riley respond.

"It's just been so long since you've brought someone home, and you know, the fact that you two showed up together this morning..."

"Ugh, I know, Mom! Stop!" She could hear the embarrassment in Riley's voice. "She's actually Harper's girlfriend, or ex-girlfriend, I don't know, it's complicated."

"You do seem to attract that type, sweetie," Mrs. Bennett replied knowingly.

"I don't mean to!" Riley groaned. Abby brought her knees up to her chest. Her heart hammered in her throat, and she felt a little improper eavesdropping on the conversation. But it served as a distraction from Harper, and for that, she would've listened to nails on a chalkboard if it stopped her from thinking about her own problems.

"Do you like her?" Abby flushed just thinking about the question, and she waited with bated breath for an answer. The voices in the kitchen quieted. The thrumming in her ears from the silence filled the voice until Riley finally responded.

"It doesn't matter, mom. She has her own shit to deal with."

"I just want you to be happy," Mrs. Bennett sighed. "You haven't told us about anyone since that girl you brought home a year ago."

"Yeah, that didn't end well," Riley scoffed.

"Just be careful, honey." A pause, and then in a solemn voice, "you know, your dad and I don't care if you're seeing someone before you have children. I hear IVF these days has really good take rates, and with you being a doctor, I'm sure your insurance-"

"OH MY GOD, MOM! STOP!" Abby couldn't help but laugh under her breath, realizing too late that it was louder than she intended. She stifled it with a pillow and lay back down, taking in the makeup of her guestroom. Little league sports trophies decorated an IKEA dresser. The closet looked like a GAP and Nike catalog instead of Harper and her sisters' perfectly curated wardrobe. This house felt lived in, not staged, and it showed in the way the Bennetts treated her, in how Riley treated her. There was no expectation here for perfection, though Riley got pretty close. Her thoughts drifted and expanded. She'd wanted the Caldwells to be like this, to be uneventful, unassuming, to welcome her into their house without a backstory befitting their Instagram.

And Riley...

She brushed her fingertips along her lips and remembered the way Riley kissed her back. For all the confidence she projected, there was something hesitant and soft about the way she kissed. She wordlessly asked permission - if it was alright with Abby, if she was ok. She kissed her with all the concern for her well-being, even though there was a restrained hunger behind it. She could tell by the way her teeth grazed over her skin, eager for more purchase but careful not to leave marks so that Abby could forget if she wanted to.

But she didn't. She didn't want to forget.

Out of all that had happened these past few days, Riley was the last thing she wanted to forget. That thought, that burning feeling in her stomach, terrified her, and she failed trying not to think about it for the next few hours.

It was midnight when she awoke again. The clock in the hall chimed pleasantly, the sound radiating through the still house. Abby sat up and listened for any sign that maybe someone, a _certain_ someone, was still up. When she could only hear silence and the soft pattering of snow falling on the roof, she got up and opened the door a crack. She couldn't see anything from her angle, so she opened it a bit more and tiptoed out. Like a repeat from last night, she found Riley sitting at the table, phone in hand, only this time she had two wine glasses - one for herself, and one...

"Figured you'd show up," Riley grinned as she poured wine into the other glass. "Feeling any better?"

"No, maybe," Abby sighed, downing the whole thing in one go.

"So, uh, how much of that conversation with my mom did you hear?" Abby's face turned bright red, and she sheepishly tucked her hair behind her ear.

"How did you know?"

"Dude, these walls are paper thin, I could hear you get up, and I could definitely hear you laughing about my parents wanting grandkids."

"I really didn't mean to," Abby replied.

"It's fine. They ask me about it every chance they get." Riley poured her another glass, and then topped off her own. Her eyes searched the blonde, and Abby fiddled with the thin stem of the glass.

"You know, I thought about what you said," she blurted. "About needing communication and respect and all that."

"Yeah?"

"Harper and I have only been dating a year."

"Oh, wow," Riley responded with surprise. "I mean, I'm glad that you're so sure after a year."

"Yeah, well, maybe not. I had this image of her, this...this person I thought she was. But seeing her here, seeing her with her family, I'm not so sure anymore, and I'm not sure I want to be a part of that." Riley set her phone down and leaned forward. Abby blinked away tears. "I loved her so much. And I wanted her to be my forever. But the things she said to me, all the hurtful things she did, I don't know if that's going to happen again, and I don't know if I can handle that again." Riley listened in silence as she began crying again. She made no move to comfort her but pursed her lips and looked on with sympathy.

"And..." Abby went on, this time though, her hands shook. "And you..." Riley expression changed from pity to surprise.

"What about me?" Abby stood up and awkwardly leaned across the table to kiss her. But Riley put her hand against Abby's shoulder and gently pushed her away.

"Abby, no," she breathed. Abby sat back down with confusion, trying to find some reason in the rejection.

"What, why?"

"You just decided that you were going to break up with Harper. And I'd be lying if I said I didn't like you, but it's just not the right time. I think what you need is space to think and heal." If it had been possible for her heart to break more, Abby's would have. She stammered incoherently, trying to find the words to say something that could salvage the moment. There was pain in Riley's eyes too, and it filled Abby with instant regret for causing it. She mentally berated herself for hurting not one but two people she cared about.

"I'm sorry,"

"No, I'm sorry too," Riley cut in. "I'm sorry that you're put in this fucked up situation in the first place." Just at that moment, Abby's phone chimed. Cold washed over her when she saw the name "Harper" appear on her screen, and she opened the message with dread.

_Have your stuff out by the end of the month, please._

"Oh, fuck," Abby whispered. Riley leaned forward and looked at the message, and immediately covered her mouth. A soft hiss escaped from between her teeth, as if the text had scored her physically.

"Oh no, I'm so sorry."

"No, no, it's..." Abby swallowed the lump in her throat. She'd known that it was over, she'd decided that for herself, even without that text. But to see it so plainly with such finality was an entirely different punch to the gut. "It is what it is." But her voice cracked. Riley made a move to hug her from across the table, but it was Abby's turn to reject the gesture with a shake of her head. "I'll be fine. You don't have to force yourself to care."

"I _do_ care," Riley insisted with a frown, shirking back in her seat.

"I know, I'm sorry, I..." She trembled in disbelief as the words on the screen seemed to grow bigger, threatening to swallow her whole. Everything in her body went numb, even her teeth in the way they did right before she cried. "You're right. I just need to be alone right now." Riley quietly nodded and stood up. She pushed her chair in and headed to her room, glancing back only once to see Abby fold her face in her hands and muffle her sobs.

* * *

Mr. and Mrs. Bennett both gave Abby and John hugs as they packed up the car, lingering a little longer on the former. They smelled the way the house smelled, a little earthy, a touch of cedar, and old clothes. Abby buried her face into their embrace and relished the novel security she felt in the arms of near strangers. John hugged Riley warmly, whispering something inaudible in her ear to which she nodded in response. When it was Abby's turn, the other three seemed to hold their breaths as they approached one another.

"If you're ever in Maryland, text or call me, we'll meet up, ok?"

"Yeah, of course," Abby responded, but her tone indicated that this would be the last time they spoke, and Riley, based on her sad smile, knew it was a promise already broken. Riley made a move to hug her at the same time that Abby stuck her hand out for a handshake, and then they alternated before awkwardly settling for a mutual pat on each other's shoulders.

"Take care of yourself, alright?" Riley whispered.

"You, too." With another wave at the Bennetts, Abby got into the passenger seat and shut the door firmly. He got into the driver's seat but didn't start the car. He stared pointedly at his best friend until she spoke.

"What?"

"What do you mean 'what?' That's it?" He demanded in disbelief.

"That's what? What are you talking about?"

"Riley," he stated flatly.

"Harper and I just broke up," Abby sighed.

"Yeah, and I will help you move out of there, but just because you and Harper broke up..." He let out a noise of frustration before taking a deep breath and settling himself. "Look, you know I'm not a romantic, I have far too much practicality for that. But what's happening between you and Riley, that's not for nothing. She looks at you in a way I wish someone would look at me, and yeah, your thing with Harper sucks, but there's no law that says you can't feel something for someone else right now. You two have something, and you're just going to drive away?"

"Actually, you're the one driving," Abby responded flatly.

"GAAH!" John screeched. "Fine, if you want me to drive away, I can do that. But you spent this entire week being dishonest with yourself, maybe, just this once, you tell the truth."

His words dug in and wouldn't let go. Abby chewed her lip as she turned his advice over and over in her head. In the rearview mirror, she could see Riley and her parents getting ready to head inside. She surged out of her seat and opened the door while John watched with an approving grin. He turned to face the road ahead politely.

"Wait!" She called out. Riley stopped in her tracks, puzzled by Abby's sudden reappearance. Her parents shot her a questioning glance, which she ignored as Abby approached.

"Riley, I like you, and I want to try to be something with you."

"Abby, we-"

"Just let me talk for a second, ok? In this whole hellhole of an experience, the only good thing was you. You make me feel warm, Riley, I feel like you don't look away when you see me. When we met, I was terrified of you, but now I feel like you're the safest place I can be." Abby took a step towards her. "I can't stop thinking about you, and no matter how hard I try to reason it out, it always comes back to you." Riley folded her arms across her chest guardedly and her eyes cast downward.

"Abby..."

"This isn't about me and Harper either. This is about me meeting you and feeling like I can be myself with you, and I love that feeling. As shitty as this has all been, I wouldn't trade it for anything. If you don't feel like it'll work, then it won't. But I'm terrible at lying, and I didn't want to lie about this." They stood a foot away from each other, simultaneously close and too far apart. Riley bit her lip and looked everywhere except at Abby, as if answers would fall from the sky. She tapped one foot restlessly.

"Abby, it's just not..."

"...the right time," Abby cut her off, nodding bitterly. "Yeah, yeah, I know." And then, without overthinking, without hesitation, she closed the gap and pressed her lips to Riley's. She could feel Riley's surprise in the way that her body went stiff, but she didn't pull away. It was a quick kiss, one that left Abby wanting more, but she broke it off and stepped back. Riley's face was unreadable, a confused mixture of shock and sorrow, and Abby averted her gaze.

"If you ever change your mind, you know how to reach me," Abby said, swiftly making her way back to the car. John silently started the engine when the door closed behind her. The ache in her chest grew as the Bennett's house disappeared behind a line of trees, but with it, a certain lightness emerged too.

"You ok?" John asked a few miles later.

"Yeah," Abby replied. "I am."

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally meant to be three chapters, but I felt like there was a lot of story left to tell so it's now four chapters! Next one coming soon.


	4. Chapter 4

The house carried a lonely, quiet conclusion to it when Abby walked through the door. A flood of memories hit her, and the sense of loss pervaded everything she touched, physically or visually. She fixated on the grease stain on their couch from their first night together, eating pizza. They always said they'd get it out but never quite got around to it. Her hands brushed the little entryway table, and she could hear the rattling of keys when Harper got back from work. She'd always throw them carelessly there, and her fingertips brushed a few scratch marks from the metal. John followed right behind her, giving her time to reflect.

"End of the month," Riley whispered. "Three days to pack up a year's relationship."

"Well, it's a good thing most of this stuff belongs to Harper," John said, trying to lighten the mood. Abby winced at the memory. Yeah, almost everything was Harper's. She'd thrown away so much of her stuff because there was no room in the house - things she'd loved and carefully accumulated over the years. It served as the perfect metaphor for their relationship; that it was Abby who moved into Harper's life, discarding little bits of herself to fit. The next time, she resolved, she'd find someone willing to take all of her and forge a new life together.

"I just need to grab a bag or something, just, like, essentials, and I'll come back to deal with the rest tomorrow," she said, quickly passing through the hall, through their bedroom. She paused at the foot of their queen bed, staring at the neat sheets and cushions. She thought about the way Harper woke, always tucked into the crook of her shoulder. She'd press a kiss to her bare skin when she took her time waking up on the weekends, and they'd make pancakes in the kitchen, always, always spilling flour on the counter no matter how careful they were.

The memories made her ache. Wave after wave of grief coursed through her body, and she packed in a hurry, throwing clean clothes and her old stuffed bear into a duffel bag. The longer she lingered in that house, the more likely she'd do something she'd regret later.

"Let's go," she said urgently, brushing past John while wiping her eyes. He nodded and followed her out the door.

"I say we settle at my place, I'll order some pizza, and we can binge true crime documentaries until we pass out in the living room," he suggested, which sounded like the best plan Abby had ever heard. She paused when she caught a glimpse of his keychain, and the jingling of keys reminded her.

"Wait, didn't you say something about the fish?"

The fish, as it turned out, were very dead. So dead, in fact, that fish version 2.0 had also died. As they scooped out the latest round of casualties, which Abby pointed looked  _ nothing _ like the old fish, she formulated a plan to correct their mistake.

"I have to tell them the truth," she said plainly.

"What?! We can just go to the pet store and get new ones!"

"I have to tell them the truth. I've had enough lies for a year." John rolled his eyes and dramatically sighed.

"This is hardly what I would call a truth worth telling. Everyone will be so much happier if they just thought everything was fine. It's fish, Abby." But Abby was adamant. She pulled out her phone and called the owners. A short but somber conversation followed. The owners understood the circumstances, but they made it clear that they would find help elsewhere the next time they needed petsitters.

"Yeah, I completely understand, and I'm so sorry again. If there's anything I can do to make it up to you, you don't even have to pay me for this, no really, well, that's very generous of you. Thank you, have a happy new year." When she hung up, John smiled a sympathetic smile.

"Conscience clear? Even if you're out of a job?" He asked. Abby heaved a relieved sigh and nodded.

"Yeah, telling the truth feels pretty good." She stared at him intently. "The dog and cat better be alive, though."

They were, and they were ecstatic to see Abby when she walked through the door. They looked a little skinner than what Abby remembered, but their spirits were high, and there had been no accidents in the house. She fed them a little extra, cleaned out their litter box, and took the dog on an hour-long walk before returning to John's apartment. Pizza steamed in the kitchen, and  _ Unsolved Mysteries _ played in the background to an empty living room.

"Pizza?" John asked, handing her a slice on a paper plate. Abby took it gratefully, devoured it in just a few bites, and grabbed two more from the box. John looked on with feigned disgust.

"Jeez, slow down there, you're going to get indigestion." Abby rolled her eyes and plopped down on the couch. "There's some ice cream in the freezer too!"

"You're the best, man!" She called out. He joined her in the living room just as she was polishing off her plate. Her phone, much to her dismay, remained silent in the space between them.

"Nothing from Riley?" John asked, staring at the dark screen.

"No," Abby replied sadly.

"Give it time." His voice held no false optimism.

* * *

She did. A month later, all of her belongings moved from storage into a small studio on the city's outskirts. Riley never texted. Harper never spoke to her either while she settled into the new, single life. She logged on to her computer one day to find that Harper had deleted her from all social media. It was better that way, Abby thought. They could both move on with their lives. Maybe sometime in the future, they'd be ok with being friends, which was preferable since they shared a common core of them. For a while, it made navigating their social interactions a testament to coordination; if Abby attended an event, Harper wouldn't be there, and vice versa. As more months progressed, they'd find themselves at the same party or the same bar, and they'd briefly acknowledge the presence of the other. In time, it hurt less and less to be around her, culminating in Harper smiling when Abby cracked a terrible joke.

It wasn't perfect, and Harper didn't friend her on anything again, but it was a comfortable enough co-existence. By the end of their fourth month apart, Abby noticed Harper showing up with the same girl to the same events. She was a little taller than Abby, with curly red hair and a neat undercut. She seemed nice, and Harper seemed happy. Riley still hadn't texted.

She worked, finding odd jobs between working her doctorate, and the loneliness she felt every time she walked into the studio slowly faded, though it never entirely went away. She formed routines, filling her days with cooking, drawing, writing her thesis, and hanging out with John and his See's Candies assortment of men. That life, the kind where she woke up still on one side of the bed to the smell of the French bakery just below her, that became her new status quo, and it was a comfortable kind of normal.

She tried, though never in earnest, to see other women. She'd forgotten how absolutely, mind-numbingly terrible online dating was. She could count on one finger the number of times she had an honest to God conversation with the other person without it feeling like she was interrogating them for the CIA. John did his part to invite cute, single girls to his parties, to the point where it almost felt like a lesbian version of The Bachelor. Except, and Abby largely suspected this would probably be one of the problems if such a show ever surfaced, all of the women he invited wound up going home with the other guests.

"I really did not know she was Li Hua's type," John apologized after the last two women stumbled out of the door, hand in hand, mouth on mouth.

"It's ok," Abby replied, gratefully accepting another beer.

"That is the most amount of estrogen this apartment has ever seen," he sighed, leaning on the wall next to her. He watched her carefully as she pulled out her phone, turning it on briefly to a blank screen. "It's a little late for anyone to call you about a job, so I assume you're still waiting on her." In the months that had passed, John had taken to referring to Riley only in pronouns. 

"It's stupid, isn't it?" Abby laughed in a way that was more just an exhale. "I should probably just forget about her and move on."

"It's ok," John replied, patting her shoulder. "It's ok to let someone affect you for a bit, as long as it doesn't interfere with your life. How are you doing with that, by the way? How is Abby Holland's life?"

"Getting a little tired staring at naked statues every day, but pretty good overall."

"Better than sifting through mounts of garbage romance novels. Actually, did I tell you that Jane Caldwell and I have been in touch? I heard about her novel, and I kind of liked the idea."

"No, I hadn't heard, but that's great for her!" John nodded as Abby scanned the empty apartment. "So, I was thinking, for my birthday next week..."

"Ack, don't worry about that. I have everything planned!" John replied with a flourish.

"You're not going to invite every lesbian in Pittsburgh, are you?" Abby joked. John rolled his eyes.

"No, I pulled a few from Philly."

"Ew."

"I'm kidding. It'll be fun, I promise." 

* * *

John kept his word. The gathering was all of her friends, and a few of his sprinkled in for diversity. He decked out his apartment with a tasteful number of balloons, enough hors d'oeuvres to feed an army, and low-key pop music played on the stereo. For the year she'd had, a quiet birthday proved just the remedy.

"Thanks for doing this," she whispered to John as he fixed another drink for her in the kitchen.

"Oh, please, anything to distract myself from work. I have this one client, a best seller in children's books, and she won't stop calling me to pitch her new book in the exact voice of her character. It's enough to make me want to drop her if her books didn't sell so god damn well." He shuddered just thinking about it. His phone buzzed, and he snatched it up sharply.

"Is it her?" Abby asked. He bit his lip, looked up at her with a twisted expression like he wasn't quite sure how to tell her some grave news.

"No, it's...I'll be right back," he said, tucking his phone to his chest and hurrying away. Abby's puzzled gaze traced him as he weaved his way through the crowd and disappeared somewhere in the entryway. She shrugged and went back to making herself a drink. She studied the calendar on his fridge, marked up in Sharpie with meetings, planned phone calls with his clients, the questionable "DO NOT SCHEDULE" abbreviated "DNS" on certain nights. She smiled and shook her head. Could he be more obvious about his dating life?

"So, I, um, heard there was someone with this chronic condition."

Abby froze when she heard that voice, like a distant echo of memory, pulled harshly from the safe keepings of her mind. She slowly turned around, as if any sudden movement might scare her away. But there she was, Riley, wearing the same black jacket as the one she wore the night they'd first talked with a different, shimmery blue shirt under it. Her hair was a little longer now, but she looked exactly like Abby remembered - had dreamed so often.

"Condition?" Was all she could manage.

"Yeah, she has this chronic condition where every year, without fail, on this day, she gets one year older." Abby stepped into the joke like they hadn't missed a beat.

"Oh, God, tell me there's a cure." She'd pat herself later for hiding the crack in her voice.

"I'm afraid not. It's fatal." Abby had to consciously tell herself to close her mouth when she realized she was gaping like one of the new fish John had bought for his apartment. She struggled to find the words and pleaded for her brain to come up with anything. She realized just how little progress she'd made in forgetting her feelings for Riley once she saw her in person, standing at her birthday party, staring at her with those playful dark eyes. 

"What are you doing here?" She asked, unable to come up with anything else.

"I tracked you, duh," Riley replied with a teasing smile. "I'm kidding. John invited me."

"He did?" Abby looked up and searched for him over the heads of the other party-goers. When she saw him, tucked away with one of his men-du-jour, they made eye contact. His eyes twinkled, and he failed to suppress a pleased smile before turning his attention away again.

"Yeah, kind of out of the blue, I don't even know how he got my number."

"He's..." she fluctuated between "creepy" and "talented" before settling on, "he's got his ways." She'd thought almost every day about this moment, what she would say to Riley, what she would do, how this would go. All of that flew out the window, and she was left scrambling to say anything that would keep her there.

"How have you been?" Her heart leaped in her throat as Riley shyly laughed at her inability to form words.

"Actually, speaking of conditions," her voice turned quiet and as quickly as Abby's heart rose, it sank to the pit of her stomach. "I have this thing where, no matter what I do, I can't stop thinking about this girl I met at Christmas. And no matter how hard I medicate with booze and work, I find myself wondering what she's doing, and if she still thinks about me." Their eyes met again, and the din of her birthday crowd melted away. The edges of her vision blurred until all she could see was the woman standing in front of her.

_ Fuck breathing, _ Abby's body said.  _ No one needs that shit anyway. _

"That-that sounds pretty bad," Abby nodded. And then she grabbed the back of Riley's neck and pulled her into a fierce kiss. In it, she poured months of longing and unrequited passion. She could vaguely hear the other guests start cheering, but the blood pounding in her ears drowned out most of it. Riley's hands found either side of her hips, and pulled her close, kissing her back with equal ferocity. When they broke away, Abby finally remembering with a dizzying sway that she actually did need oxygen, John from across the room screamed,

"I THROW THE BEST FUCKING PARTIES!" Both women laughed as they rested their foreheads together, but independently and silently concluded that he was right.

* * *

It was Christmas again, and again, and again. Abby found a certain affinity for it, even if it still wasn't her favorite holiday. The Bennetts treated her like family. They didn't bat an eye when Riley carried her suitcase to her room instead of the guest room. And on Christmas morning, she'd wake up to Riley next to her, and she'd kiss her awake and say, "Merry Christmas." It was a tradition she could stand doing every year.

They didn't attend the Caldwells' white elephant party the first year, but they did the second and third year together after Harper reached out to Riley. Her message, short and to the point, let Riley know that she was more than welcome to join and to bring her girlfriend along too. The initial greeting proved less awkward than Abby anticipated. Harper hugged her warmly and introduced the two of them to her girlfriend without any hesitation or concern for passing guests. As the couple walked away, Abby could hear Harper's girlfriend say,

"Was that  _ THE  _ Riley and  _ THE  _ Abby?"

On their third Christmas morning together, Abby stole away from the kitchen, into the backyard where Mr. and Mrs. Bennett stood near the smoker. The older couple laughed together, and Mr. Bennett threw his arm around his wife and kissed her head like they were still in the honeymoon phase of their relationship. Maybe they were. Maybe this was what love looked like.

"Mr. Bennett?"

"Oh, stop that," he guffawed. "I told you to call me Tom." Abby smiled nervously, her right hand brushing against the velvety covering of a small square box in her pocket.

"Tom, can I talk to you for a minute?" The older man's demeanor sobered, and he handed his beer to his wife.

"Sure, of course." They walked a bit away from the house. Abby shivered in the chilly winter air, knowing the sooner she got this over with, the sooner she could return to the warmth of the indoors and Riley's arms.

"Tom, I was wondering...I was hoping to get your permission..."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks, everyone for reading! I really hope you enjoyed it!  
> Acknowledgments: Thanks to [telling_you_stories](https://archiveofourown.org/users/telling_you_stories) for listening to me (metaphorically and literally) scream about Riley and Abby these past few days. I have a lot of feelings.


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